For those who don't know, I'm a Christian. I've believed in God and had a relationship with him since elementary school. A part of believing in God is also believing in his power and might. So when I say I wholeheartedly believe he has the power to heal the broken, I mean it.
I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Dysautonomia, and Lupus when I was 16 years old. Fully aware and confident in God's ability to perform miracles, I prayed that He would heal me and take my pain away. I prayed and prayed, and years passed, but I still wasn't healed. One day I just remember how incredibly intense my pain was, and how I cried out to Jesus, asking one last time if he could take it all away. He did not. And so I asked myself some questions. Right now, I am going to take the time to tell you what these questions were, and provide the answers that God gave me over the last few years. The first question I frequently asked God was "Why are some people healed, but I'm not?" I was complaining to a close friend one day about how frustrated I am with the fact that some people were being restored and healed, while I was stuck in limbo with the same ailments and illnesses. I remember very clearly she said to me "Maddy, those people's testimonies are different than yours. Maybe they were healed for the benefit of their testimony or salvation. Maybe you're not healed yet because you still have some growing to do." This made sense to me. I thought, "Wow, maybe he'll heal me later on in life". Only recently did I come to terms with the fact that I will never make a full recovery. The second question I had was "Did I do something to deserve this?" I was talking to my wonderful young adults group leader, and she answered this question so clearly for me. She said "Our God isn't one who will cause pain and heartache- it's not in his nature". She is so right. How could a God who's nature is purely good give me something so bad? Of course, he allowed these illnesses into my life. But he didn't give them to me. And so no- I didn't do anything to deserve the illnesses that were brought upon me. God will only allow tragedy in the lives of his children if it will lead to something good and prosperous. The last and biggest question I had for God was "Am I ever going to be healed?" This was the most difficult answer I recieved. I prayed and prayed about this, but God ended up telling me no- that I would not be healed. And here's why: One night I was reading my bible and something stood out to me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 says: "Three times I pleaded to the Lord to take my pain away from me. But he said to me 'My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." Some people are meant to have a miraculous recovery. Some people will have such an astronomical spiritual/personal growth due to their body being healed. However, that is not what would happen to me. Yes, it woud be wonderful to not have these medical problems, and it would be wonderful to not be in pain all the time. But is that going to be the most impactful path for my life? Will I find the most joy in my recovery? Or will I seek the most joy through the process of my journey? I really don't believe it is God's will for me to be healthy. I believe God's intentions for my life are for me to find joy through trials, ecourage others who are ill, and learn to seek new perspectives through the unique lense God has placed in my life. If you are reading this wondering if God will ever restore your physical health, I would encourage you to seek God's will. You will never find peace in your life until you come to terms with God's perfect will. I will be praying that each and every person struggling with this issue will find rest. God may not intend to heal you physically, but he will always mend your broken heart, and he can always be a beacon of joy in your life.
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AuthorHey everybody! My name is Maddy, and I write about some of the chronic illnesses I face. I'm currently a communnications major, and hope to get a job writing full time. I have faced chronic illness symptoms since November of 2015 and was officially diagnosed in January of 2017. Some of the major illnesses I have are Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Postural Orthostatic Tachychardia Syndrome/Dysautonomia, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, and Lupus. I'm also currently facing a GI and structural neck diagnosis. My mission for this site is to uplift and encourage spiritual growth for people who face chronic illness of any kind- including mental illness. Archives
January 2021
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