No. It's such a simple word. So why is it so difficult to say? I was going through my New Years resolutions last week and ranking them from lowest to highest priority. At the top of my list was "learn how to say no to people". I'm a people pleaser through and through, and at the end of the day, I know it can easily get in the way of my spiritual and personal growth. So today, as a kickoff to my number one 2021 resolution, I'm going to tell you everything I've been learning about saying no.
1. It's not mean to say no One of the things that holds me back from saying no to someone is the fear that I will come across as mean or that I would be perceived as a bad person. Thinking this way is so damaging, and it's a curse of words that I am trying to break within myself! There is nothing wrong with setting healthy boundaries. For example, I tend to get extra fatigued as a byproduct of my chronic illnesses, so my social battery drains fast. If someone wants to get together or needs something time consuming from me, and I have a really hectic day/I'm not feeling well due to my illnesses, I'm learning how to say "No, I can't do that today". Lately life has been more hectic than normal. Between having two jobs and other various commitments, my rest time has been very limited. So saying no is even more of a necessity! It takes longer for me to recharge. So saying no isn't mean- it's literally just self care! 2. You're allowed to say no- even if you are available! It's easy to think that just because your schedule is clear that you have to say yes to plans or making commitments. But just because you are free, does not make you obligated to share your time. It's important to pace yourself so that you don't burn out! Make time to recharge this year. Everybody needs days off- it's healthy! So don't feel obligated to make commitments, even if your schedule says you're free. It's not mean- it's self care. Be kind to your mind, spirit, and body! I'm learning to get better at this everyday. It's a process, so be patient with yourself! 3. If it makes them upset, then they're not for you It's okay to be disappointed if you don't get to make plans. But any person who has some level of respect for you should understand that saying no means you just need to take care of yourself. If they can't take no for an answer then maybe they're not the right person for you! Life is stressful enough without an upset person nagging you to make commitments that you're too drained to make. Take care of yourself! Mental, physical, and spiritual health is a gift that is meant to be protected and cherished. You have the authority to say no. Own it- you can still be kind and loving while exercising this power. I would encourage all of my people pleasers out there to practice saying no this 2021. I'll be right there practicing with you!
1 Comment
Kim Wheelock
1/14/2021 01:18:30 pm
Hi Madeline thank you for this. I battle with such guilt after I tell someone no. I have all my years been able to keep saying yes until recently when odd symptoms which I had had sporadically my younger years hit me full fledged. The diagnosis...fibromyalgia. It has taught me and continues to teach me my own boundaries. Recently I was faced with a tough decision when asked to take care of my ailing Mother in Law(yes Darren and Tiffs Grandmother). I knew the stress alone of the responsibility would exasperate my flares not to mention everything else that comes with taking care of an ailing elder. I really felt inside that I was not capable without sacrificing the care of my daughter Sierra who has autism. I just didn't have enough in me to do both. I was asked and expected by certain family members to move in with her because I am a stay at home Mom. It wasn't until she had fallen several times being by herself that my heart gave in and said yes. She passed away a week later because of many issues the main one was a brain bleed from falling. I keep thinking was it my fault because I said no? Did I wait too long to say yes? I am angry at this fibromyalgia because I have to say no so much more! Thanks for listening! You are an inspiration to me! May God bless you abundantly!
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AuthorHey everybody! My name is Maddy, and I write about some of the chronic illnesses I face. I'm currently a communnications major, and hope to get a job writing full time. I have faced chronic illness symptoms since November of 2015 and was officially diagnosed in January of 2017. Some of the major illnesses I have are Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Postural Orthostatic Tachychardia Syndrome/Dysautonomia, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, and Lupus. I'm also currently facing a GI and structural neck diagnosis. My mission for this site is to uplift and encourage spiritual growth for people who face chronic illness of any kind- including mental illness. Archives
January 2021
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